What we offer:
A professional
mourner can provide all the consolation you need, and not only after the
death of a family member. We are also available to weep for any motive
related to the bleak cultural panorama in which you find yourself:
cutbacks in grants funding, the commercialisation of culture, the
betrayal of colleagues, of the trade unions, the increase in VAT, the
pathetic politico-cultural situation, the day in which your innocence
died, or when you had to bury your ideals.
The Cultural
Mourners wish to offer their services to help express your
disappointment through our pain, allowing you to share your suffering in
the most appropriate way depending on your situation.
We cry with you, always ready to help those who are going through a difficult period.
We
offer our services to accompany you in grief, in any drama, to offer solace, for public demonstrations of grief, indeed for
any motive related ( or not) to culture- no matter what your loss is caused by for us it is always
important .
We are available whenever you need a shoulder to cry on, offering a personalised service custom built for your needs.
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Our Services
You can choose between our wide variety of
services that which most suits your personal needs or create a
personalised ritual, in a traditional or avante-garde style.
We offer a cut
price service, and promise to beat any offer
our competitors make - within reasonable limits. Unless you have worked in this
profession it is impossible to know quite how difficult it can be.
Our services include
• Arte povera: Anti crisis/ cut price.With limited economic funds it is still possible to create a drama worthy of any occasion.
• Conceptual: Basic, but highly dignified.
• Neo-realist: our inspirations in this service include a hint of Ana Magnani. Dramatic, sober.
• Expresionist: expressive and highly emotional.
• Dada: our wailing becomes a stream of words and sounds with no logic whatsoever.
• Luxury Service: This
will leave you breathless! It is incredibly expensive and the price
tag will cause a sadomasochistic pain which will bring you to tears.
We also provide elegies and psychiatric help.
Estimates given with no obligations.
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Merchandising:
• Lacrimarios: Embottled tears, which will adorn any space, or give grace to your lamentations keeping them forever present in your life, reminding you that indeed we have come to this world to suffer. Perfect as a present for any cultural events organiser or tormented artist.
Types of Lacrimario :
Pena Penita Pena/ Oh woe is me! : Our official lacrimario, intense, aromatic and deep. Helps you to refresh those arid moments with inspirational tears.
Crocodile Tears: A concentrate of tears. Portable, for use on any occasion ( also available as a spray to dampen the cheek)
Valley of Tears: A classic, available in large quantities for extensive use in moments of high cultural drama.
Family Lacrimario XXL ( 8 litre decanter): Our special offer. Bucketloads of tears at an affordable price. Although they don´t have the concentrated effect of the Valley of Tears they will help you out in difficult situations.
Tear gas Lacrimario: Tears in gas form which will spice up any ambience and generate a real complicity in grief. A highly contagious concoction of forced, but effective tears : whether they want to or not this gas will make all your friends cry in unison.
Molotov Lacrimario : ( see picture) Pure dynamite!
• Specially designed Lamentation cards: estimates available.
• Tear-stained handkerchiefs.
Contact us for prices and a copy of our catalogue
